ADHD Awareness Month

I am not praying in the photo. I pray but not usually while I take photos of myself. My eyes are closed to illustrate a point. I want to let you into my world just a little.

There are many things associated with ADHD that I do on a daily basis that I am unaware of that are not considered "normal". Other people notice them but may think that's just one of my things and may not mention it. Some people raise an eyebrow at me but I'm so different from most folks, I really don't notice weird looks anymore.

Besides the ADHD symptoms that everybody knows about: the lack of organization, the habitual lateness, the inability to stay focused or over-focusing so that you don't hear people calling your name, the hatred of doing boring tasks, the figety movements... There are countless others you can't know unless you live it and there are coping mechanisms that LOOK like symptoms, as well.

In the photo, I have my eyes closed. I didn't know I would sometimes do this during conversations in public until Waylon noticed it and said something. He realized I only do it when I'm having problems concentrating. For an ADHDer, finishing a sentence or focusing on a thought while in a public place is like trying to thread a needle while riding a carousel. There is entirely too much stimuli to accomplish this successfully. So... I close my eyes. One source of stimuli gone. Shut down. If I don't see the door opening and closing, the vent blowing the leaves of the plant around, the mom feeding the fighting 2 year old, the running waitress, the cashier ringing up a sale, THEN... SOMETIMES I can think. Sometimes. It really is like living your life in the middle of a hurricane. Or a 3-ring circus.

My senses are more sensitive that non-ADHD people. I hear things you don't hear. All the time. I hear the air conditioner running, chairs popping, paper shuffling, books being slammed around, the train outside, somebody talking, the copier running, footsteps, typing and a hole punch squeaking. There is no blocking these sounds out for me. I either hear all of it or I over-focus and hear nothing at all. I've sat through entire 3 hour movies with my fingers in my ears because it was so brain-rattling loud to me. I hear squeaks in my car that will not stop and cause me to pull over and rearrange things to make it stop.

I feel things against my skin that you would be able to block out. Tags in clothing. The seam in my pants leg against my calf. The braids on my sandals pressing into the top of my foot. My hair tickling my neck. The elastic on my shirt sleeves. I've been known to shuck a shoe in the middle of the mall because of a twisted sock. I've thrown underwear in the garbage after one wearing. A foot bouncer in close proximity to me will probably be asked to be still if they're shaking something I have to touch.

I see every movement of every item or every appendage on every person or every animal around me. I am VERY hard to sneak up me. Bright lights in my direct line of vision when I'm watching a movie will be turned  off. Office lighting gets on my last nerve. I hate blinding lights and would much rather have two lamps going than 12 fluorescent lights burning into my brain any day.

The next time you see a kid that can't sit still, think about me, grown and squirming in church or rocking back and forth on my feet. Me, being consciously OCD because I got sick of looking for my keys. Cell phone. Shoes. Glass. Purse. Hair clip. Whatever. That little kid that you wish would shut up, be still, act right...that little kid was me. Unmedicated. Undiagnosed. Strictly disciplined. Highly inquisitive. Labeled as bad. Hyper. That was me and it's still me. Because it's not bad behavior. It is just behavior. Weird to you. Normal to us. Finally being accepted by the world.